2018 – Coming Together and Fighting for Common Good

New Year’s Day was simple. We enjoyed Japanese-style dishes and sake with a young Japanese family friend. I recalled how Dad did not quite make it to age 37 (two months shy) and here I was starting the new year at the age of 37 with so many things in my heart that I wanted to live for and experience. I envisioned what my 2018 would be like: abundant positive energy; gratitude mindset; spreading my work as a teacher and songwriter; a truly beautiful family; regular jogging and biking; healthy food; regular Buddhist study and chanting.

On January 3^rd, with some excitement, I began the ‘30 Day Grow Your Fan Base Challenge’ with Bob Baker and a group of like-minded participants. I did my first-ever YouTube Live that day and noticed my interest in writing an autobiography was growing. The theme of my 30 days of video content would be ‘A Guitar Life | Autobiographical Reflections’[1]. 

The cold weather affected my mood and energy levels. I wished I could slow down much more in the winter than my schedule would allow. Months of indulgent eating plus the winter blues contributed to derailing my diabetes control. I dreaded the inevitable endocrinologist visit and my elevated A1C number[2]. I didn’t need to be lectured to. Sometimes living with diabetes just sucked and that was that.

Once in a while Yoko would have fun playing drums and I might give her the occasional mini lesson. Two-and-a-half-year-old Kai would take it all in, but when it was his turn to play, his greatest joy was doing anything other than we asked him to try doing. I had no idea how music would fit into his future, but I was sure it would be just fine if I gave him space to come to it on his own terms. Yoko, Kai, and I posted a New Year’s Greeting video[3] for friends both in Japan and throughout the world, creating an improvised song to Yoko’s drumbeat, we sang “A-KE-MASHITE OMEDE-TŌ!” (trans. “Congratulations on opening the New Year!).

After the end-of-year respite from activities as an SGI leader, things once again picked up steam. Despite my desire to hibernate, I couldn’t. My schedule filled up with meetings and visits. Each day involved diverse communications and track keeping. Welcome back to the whirlwind. Between career-based, faith-based, and personal use of computers and phones I was racking up way too much screen time. By mid-month I was concerned about my eyes but couldn’t stop using them. Even after a long sleep, my eyes still felt uncomfortable. With so much going on, I found it imperative to protect myself from phone notifications after a certain timeframe (generally 11pm). If I checked messages too late at night, I might find it hard to relax for a good sleep.

Waking in the middle of the night was routine. Besides the mandatory bathroom visit, I might be woken from Kai’s yelps, a difficult dream, or from my heart pounding with a BGL[4] in the 50s due to hypoglycemia[5] (in which case I would have to go downstairs to address immediately). Sometimes I would overtreat low blood sugar with a huge snack and then wake up disappointed in a hyperglycemic[6] state with a BGL in the 300s (mg/dL).

At times there would be a very long day at GMC, teaching as many as 15 private lessons in my small room. It was physically and mentally demanding especially when I had students who did not practice. Many elements came together which sometimes made things seem like a slog: my achy back condition, tiredness, dietary complexities (being both diabetic and vegan could make things inconvenient), my impatience to work on my own creative projects, my perceived lack of time, and my anxiety imagining the various SGI leadership duties that would beckon once I did have free time. Still, I tried to make the most of each spare minute and valued that I did have a room to myself (albeit small and not soundproof) that I could use as a mini office on breaks.  

By end of January, I had developed a sore throat and was bummed. I also was dealing with a clogged ear and some headaches, including a recent NYC parking ticket, earned on a workday. My life condition was low enough to take a rare day off.

In between the chilly winter weather, my cold symptoms and my reading material, there was a theme of “roughing it”. I was reading Henry David Thoreau’s Walden, Walter M. Miller Jr.’s Canticle for Leibowitz, and studying Buddhist texts regarding Nichiren Daishonin’s Izu Exile. Reading about the stark inconveniences of others helped me appreciate my own circumstances. I was battling with keeping my body functional, yet still on the go. I required rest but only gave it to myself in doses. Cold symptoms lingered. If I complained about my condition, Yoko scolded me. She felt I was overdoing things and that it was up to me to draw the line. I agreed, but I didn’t know how to slow down unless forced to. 

I followed a heart call to get myself a quality classical guitar, something I had not had in several years. We went to our local Sam Ash, for Kai it was his first visit, and I purchased a Cordoba acoustic-electric nylon-string. Now I could once again practice finger style guitar at home. 

A plumbing issue popped up that we had to deal with suddenly. One night, I saw strange moisture appearing in a spot on the laundry room floor. It freaked me out. Oh no! Is this some sort of strange alien invasion? With the help of a neighbor, I was relieved to learn that there was a pipe leaking water under the floor. Well, that sucks, but at least it wasn’t an insidious bubbling space alien invasion. I called a plumber in the morning.

I finally got around to releasing “The Love Dinosaur [Official Music Video]”, my first solo effort at creating a complete music video[7]. It was tiring, but I had learned from the previous few videos I had made with Freddy Galligan and pulled it off.

Yoko and I were in a bit of a funk. She felt a bit unexpressed and trapped at home while I was running about all over with no slowing down in sight and then I would get sick and complain about it. Unsurprisingly, she was not thrilled with our situation. As a belated Valentine’s Day date, Mom watched Kai so Yoko and I could go ice skating at the local Aviator Ice Rink. I still had some residual skill in me from my roller blading days in the early 90s. Yoko, however, was another story. She couldn’t quite find her feet. It was cute and I had to admit that if we were skiing, the roles would be reversed. In any case it brought some refreshing energy to our relationship.

February and March were full of challenges. From the very busy schedule to the urgent plumbing issue; from personal and family health challenges and doctor appointments to the hospitalization of two family members. Yet through the ups and downs, I felt supported by friends, family, my Buddhist network, as well as my Spirit Guides[8]. Some days felt like I didn’t accomplish much even if I checked many items off my Daily Focus Paper. I could be hard on myself. When I engaged in written dialogues with my Spirit Guides, a recurring message I received was to be gentle with myself.

I was working to establish solid foundations in all areas of my life and to expiate negative karma while I was at it. I was creating visions for each of the categories of my life[9] and believed that each step contributed to my grand vision. In the Career aspect, I was taking pains to clean some things up in JHMB[10] in order to move forward on fresh and firm foundations. Whenever I felt stuck (which was often), I reminded myself that anything was possible and resolved to break through all limitations. To refresh myself I might recall the Buddhist virtues of Eternity, Happiness, True Self, and Purity. Generally, I felt a sense of being on the right track in life, but that doesn’t mean it felt easy.

With Saint Patrick’s Day approaching I was listening to Irish music and practicing some songs. I posted an electric guitar instrumental version of “Danny Boy” online[11]. As Mom and I discussed some familiar Irish songs, she told me that the song “Harrigan” which I enjoyed singing occasionally was also a favorite of Dad’s when he was growing up. Well, whattaya know!

Though I had put a lot of effort into living a plant-based lifestyle, I struggled with my energy levels. I was coming to terms with the importance of taking 100% responsibility for myself and letting others make changes (or not) in their own good time. Whatever someone else was feeling, the truth was I only had control over my own choices. So, I had to remind myself to focus on me first. March 24^th marked what would have been the 7^th birthday of our firstborn son Coração. I spoke to him in my heart about my challenges and he encouraged me to trust myself. 

March 25^th marked the 4-year anniversary of the publication of my first book Single String Songs Vol. 1. A few teachers wrote lovely reviews for which I felt grateful. I felt I was making some breakthroughs with my single string method catching on in multiple states and even outside the country.

Within the SGI-USA we were gearing up for a huge event in September entitled the 50,000 Lions of Justice (a.k.a. 50K LOJ) Festival[12]. As leaders, we were constantly being challenged and inspired to grow together through “fighting” for the success of this event and more importantly the essence of it which was to reach out and connect with many young people in our respective communities and networks.

Spring was a season that could make me feel nervous as if I didn’t want to energetically fall behind the rest of the northern hemisphere as we arose from our slower wintry mode (not that my winters had been all that slow). On Sunday April 8^th, despite tiredness, I got up early to run with New York Road Runners at Marine Park. As I had reduced my jogging activity during the winter, this was a sign to myself that I was now moving forward into the new season. That day I reached out to many people and sent forth a fresh wave of energy as if I were on the front lines of seasonal shifting with Spring herself.

Our home had the unique benefit of being located quite close to cherry blossom trees, literally within view of our front stoop. Seeing the pink and white blooming of these trees in April was a regularly anticipated moment for us. We would visit them ourselves and invite friends to enjoy them as well. 

I flew to Los Angeles to attend the ASCAP[13] 2018 I Create Music EXPO in early May. I brought both personal business cards and ‘Nam-myoho-renge-kyo’ cards. I had the sense that hyper focusing in one category of my life (Career) would likely throw me off balance. And so, for the trip I had a quiet agreement with myself that in addition to seeking my own self-interests, I would share Buddhism for the peace of the land. It felt right intuitively.

The conference itself was ok, but it felt shallow, and I could not resonate deeply with it, try as I did. One highlight was being in the room with legendary songwriter Desmond Child[14] listening to his participation in a panel discussion. 

I did simply enjoy being in LA, walking around Hollywood, and hanging out with Paulie Z. We hiked at Runyon Canyon one day and another night we had dinner at the Rainbow Bar and Grill, where he pointed out photos of him and his brother Dave Z hanging on the wall alongside numerous other stars. Afterwards, I watched him host Ultimate Jam Night down the block at Whisky a Go Go, which rocked.

In late May, I made an appearance on the local Survival Guyd podcast[15] to have a casual discussion about my Buddhist practice. It was a unique chance to meet some cool new people and to reconnect with my childhood buddy Chris Arce who had invited me onto the show. I returned for another show soon after and performed a few songs as well.

There were always different people, relationships, and roles that I was interacting with and therefore plenty of opportunities to make and learn from my own mistakes and those of others. At the beginning of June, I felt lost, bewildered, tired, and achy. And simultaneously ready to enjoy an incredible month ahead. After all June was my favorite month of all. It was a wonderful time to be in the garden. And for me, June was the best weather for bike riding and being outdoors. I loved how long the daylight lasted.

I awoke uneasy on the morning of June 12^th. My men’s division senior leader Tristan Gray was coming to visit. What is the purpose of both Tristan and another senior leader recently reaching out to me? I was imagining some sort of reprimand (for what I didn’t know) or to discuss a leadership promotion, neither of which I wanted. Tristan’s visit was pleasant enough; we chanted and had a chat. Always considering others, it could be difficult for me to simply be with my own true feelings. I often reminded myself to “BE NATURAL”. As ever June was over too soon. Like the most welcome of guests who could not tarry longer.

I welcomed July and the hot weather season ahead, which I loved. Some days I felt pretty good and some days not so much. Most days were a mix of both. With so much to attend to all the time, it was easy to overconsume food, caffeine, and sometimes alcohol. It was also easy to underprioritize sleep. Why must being in a human body be so annoying, fickle, and demanding?

To ease the seriousness of daily life I found ways to relax. I watched the BBC version of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and then pondered the number 42 in relation to life, the Universe, and everything. I also kept up the grading and listing of comics for sale. Spending time with these treasures of Dad’s gave a me chance to be with his spirit. As I graded and photographed the comics, I would listen to spiritual and mentally expansive podcasts which fed my soul. Kai turned three in July; we had a lovely birthday gathering in our backyard with friends and neighbors.

Jeremy Batchelor and I began taking steps towards a new music video, my acoustic cover of Helloween’s power metal classic “Eagle Fly Free”. We recruited the help of Frank Galligan to capture some aerial footage of The Creek with his drone. Along with performance shots to mix in, Jeremy and I got together weekly to edit the video.

Bob Henson stopped by for a rare visit while in the neighborhood and we had a chance to jam[16]. We played various songs including material we had played in The Twilight Zone Blues Band and Pencil People. Kai took it all in while dancing around with his guitalele in hand!

On Thursday July 12^th after a birthday lunch for Kai, and lessons at GMC, I went to Manhattan for a David Z Foundation fundraiser in the form of Ultimate Jam Night hosted by Paulie Z. I was joined there by friends Jason Hills, Thurman Scutto, and Buddhist buddy Peter Passero. I enjoyed the show and the chance to connect with Z family members and friends.

One Saturday, after a full day of lessons at GMC, I was visited again by Tristan Gray. He offered me the opportunity to take on the mantle of Ocean Avenue Men’s Chapter Leader. This would shift various things if I accepted. I kind of sensed a change was coming, and in that way, it felt right to me. But I also did not want to add more responsibilities to myself and my already over-doing it lifestyle. I respected Tristan’s position in wanting to help our chapter grow into a new phase and took his offer into deep consideration. I chanted, self-reflected, and asked for the support my Spirit Guides to gain clarity. I did not rush into a decision. I realized I was willing to be challenged to expand further. After all, I did feel stuck in a few areas of life and a fresh start of sorts might help. I chose to give it a shot while clearly expressing my boundaries to co-leaders and of course seeking the understanding of family members who would be in a position to tolerate my new level of busy-ness.

I fantasized about being beyond the limitations and restrictions of time, body, social, and physical pressure. On the one hand I wished for an escape hatch from it all; yet on the other, I recognized that part of me really did desire to go through this life experience with all of its ups and downs. Sometimes I would wake up to Kai crying out at night. He was three-year-old adapting to sleeping in his own room but preferring to be back sleeping in the coziness of Mommy’s bed. He was resisting growing up and I could relate.

August felt like a new era. I had said farewell to several students who were moving on or away from guitar lessons, as well as goodbye to my leadership role in South Bay district. It felt both appropriate and unsettling. In an act of renewal, I had the tires changed on my old Diamond Back bicycle, something which I perhaps did only once before in the 25 years I had it. A fresh path lay before me.

I had some adapting to do. Even with a reduction in guitar students, I drove myself to my limits often enough to feel exhausted and unwell. I couldn’t help it; my priority list was long, and with some things, time was of the essence. Sometimes Yoko’s strict love would remind me to sleep longer for my health. As for of my relationship with Yoko, things had changed since having a child and we were now more so living our own separate lives together as teammates. It was different, functional, and still pretty cool.

Despite the daily responsibilities that required my attention, I made conscious efforts to enjoy my beloved summertime. I got in touch with one of my near forgotten passions while watching Ken Burns’ amazing documentary mini-series Baseball, which inspired me to join Thurman Scutto and his friends in Marine Park to play softball a few times. I also spent a satisfactory amount of time with Dad’s comics. One late August day after grading and photographing Marvel titles such as Invaders and Fantastic Four, I mused to myself how an SGI Chapter Team is like a Superhero Team. Perhaps we could call ourselves “The Unstoppable Oceans”.

In mid-August we had visitors from Japan. Aftab Motoyama and his family stayed with us for a couple of nights. A few friends came by for the rare occasion: Kon Medyuk, Dave Evans and his family, and later on Jeremy Batchelor. It was a thrill when Dave, Kon, Aftab, and I ran through a few Pencil People songs together with family members watching and dancing along! Aftab did not have his saxophone with him, so he merrily participated as a dancer and singer.

Throughout the hecticness of daily life I still made it a priority to keep a journal. On some level I sensed that if I lost all motivation to write poetry or explore my own inner world than I would be missing a crucial part of my mission in this lifetime. Sometimes these moments of creative flow could open up a portal to eternal moments and help me regain perspective of it all. 

On the morning of September 5^th, I woke around 5am. Kai was freaking out. It was to be his first day of school. Wow, parenthood, huh. Who can blame a kid for resisting going to school? As a little boy. I did not want to leave home just to spend all day with other people, have less fun, and follow strict rules. It wasn’t just Kai; I wasn’t all that excited to send him to school even if we felt we were sending him to the best available option. I still had reservations about the entire school system setup as I understood it. Fortunately, Kai’s first day was lovely. We soon adapted to our new routine and felt good about choosing Windmill Montessori School.

On the evening of September 8^th, I met with Kon Medyuk at Gramercy Theater to see one of our favorite acts, the Finnish melodic death metal band Amorphis! We enjoyed the show and the chance to catch up with each other. Not only was Amorphis fantastic, but I was also duly impressed with the opening act, also from Finland, Omnium Gatherum and became a fan.

While visiting the bathroom during the Amorphis show, I noted upcoming shows and couldn’t believe my eyes when I read the name of one of my other super favorite bands, Helloween! This was part of their Pumpkins United World Tour. When I had learned the previous year that Helloween had reunited with two key members from the early days while keeping the current lineup I was overjoyed, and now I had a chance to see them in person! Jeremy and I went to see Helloween’s awesome and loud performance at Irving Plaza on Sunday[17], September 16^th. In amazing synchronicity, without having planned it, my new “Eagle Fly Free [Music Video]”[18] we released just a few days prior. 

I was keeping the ball rolling in the guitar teaching world. I was developing play-along-tracks to accompany the material in my Single String Halloween Songs book. I sent out newsletters to my single string teacher group and followed up with any book mailings or related communications. 

Finally, after long preparations, on September 23^rd, I attended the 50,000 Lions of Justice Festival at the Prudential Center in Newark, NJ, as a bus chief. Along with a bus full of attendees including three of my own guests we arrived at the exciting spectacle. It was a colorful, memorable, and inclusive event.

For me, September had tremendous energy in bringing people together. Along with two excellent rock shows, there was the amazing culmination of months (more than a year) of teamwork and efforts within the SGI-USA. After the challenging, active, and exhilarating previous months I was drained. Yet I still felt pressures to continue pressing forward as usual. Despite the victories that I had attained both personally and with the SGI, I still keenly perceived my insecurities, my health challenges, and all other daily struggles. It was once again time to prioritize my health. I could feel the looming threat of a cold. I can’t get sick. The Japan trip is right around the corner.

At the outset of October, I made effort to close out my time in Brooklyn regarding all of my roles and responsibilities so I could relax enough to be present for our nearly five weeks in Japan. I prepped my GMC students to be prepared to work with their capable substitute guitar teacher, and I worked out the puzzle of obtaining enough insulin. I visited with SGI friends, I chanted a lot and worked together with co-leaders as I slowly faded out of the picture. Fortunately, my vice-chapter co-leader and good friend Peter Passero was there to cover for me quite capably. I was brushing up on my Japanese language skills. As the trip approached, I felt a range of complex emotions, but the overriding feeling was that this trip was an important part of our life mission.

We arrived in Tokyo on October 16^th in the evening and found our way via train to our hotel which welcomed us with cheerful Halloween decorations and an open refreshments area. After a day exploring this unknown neighborhood, we stayed a few days with Aftab Motoyama and his family in another part of Tokyo. It was great to see them again after just a couple months. Yoko, Kai, and I went to Shinanomachi to visit the relatively new Soka Gakkai headquarters building called Hall of the Great Vow for Kosen Rufu. SGI friends from New York, now living in Tokyo, met with us for lunch and guided us around the area.

We took a bullet train to Nishinomiya, Osaka and settled into a Japanese style hostel with tatami mat room, communal bathroom, and a relaxing dining area which we had to scale an outdoor spiral staircase to reach. On Sunday October 21^st, we had a day with Otousan and Acchan and were joined that evening for dinner by Acchan’s boys Haru and Jushiro. We all hadn’t seen each other in person for three years. It was a happy day.

On October 23^rd, we relocated to Mukonosō to stay with Otousan for a few weeks. It was a tight space for the three of us to join him, yet we made the most of it. I walked frequently, exploring the area. Otousan helped us by providing a bicycle with a child’s seat so I could ride around to various playgrounds with Kai, which we often did. Besides time together at his home, we had adventures with Otousan. He took us to Kobe Ōji Zoo, to Itami Sky Park, to AEON Mall, and to a cosmos flower field. He also spearheaded a special memorial ceremony and dinner in honor of his late wife, Yoko’s mother, Ikuko. There I had the rare chance to interact with Yoko’s maternal uncles and aunts which was meaningful. 

Though we were based elsewhere, there was significant time spent in Takarazuka, my old stomping grounds. It was a pleasure to be able to walk around and experience the familiar sights and sounds. It was a strange and happy feeling to be in Acchan’s backyard garden again where I had spent much of my time when living in Japan (2011-2012). I attended a local Soka Gakkai district meeting with familiar faces and gave a speech in Japanese. We spent time around City Sakasegawa (Acchan’s apartment) and reconnected with old friends including Miki (from John and Miki’s English Club) and Koji (from Sunny Lettuce Badminton Team).

There were few things I liked more than going on long walks by myself in Japan and visiting various shrines and temples along the way as if on my own pilgrimage. I also loved to explore unique small pathways and little-used roads. Looking at a map of a local area was always a joy. It made sense to me how various fun map-based Nintendo games were born in Japan. 

There were other heart-based meetings with various people: Yoko’s close friends Saeko and Keiji Nakamura; a Brazilian-Japanese couple from our IICD days; a gathering of Yoko’s wacky high school friends; SGI-KIG friend in faith Luigi Bosco (an American and fellow Buddhist who had chosen to base himself in Japan); Soka Gakkai friends from Tōyō district (my old district); and several more.

Towards the end of the trip, I found myself on a night walk around Mukonosō. I longed to have a drink by myself and found a curious small bar at the top of some narrow steps which advertised live music. As I walked into the narrow and cozy Sound ZERO all eyes were on me. It seemed like I disrupted something. Anyway, it wasn’t long before I felt welcomed by their friendliness. There were open mic performances, and I was invited and encouraged to join in[19].

Alas it was time to pack our suitcases. We arrived at the airport and as we were checking our luggage, we were shocked to discover Yoko did not have her green card and could not board the plane! In a flash we quickly decided that I would return with Kai and have her green card shipped to Japan asap. The flight gave me reflection time. Wow, how many parks and playgrounds did we visit! I felt blessed for having precious family and friends in Japan. And I was glad my Japanese had been decent enough to functionally communicate.

Getting established back in Brooklyn was not smooth sailing. I was exhausted, jetlagged, and responsible for taking care of a three-year-old boy, let alone myself. The first few nights we camped out on the floor in the living room so Kai could be amused by his favorite kid-friendly YouTube videos while I passed out. And then I could watch movies to pass unsleeping hours. My eating schedule and blood sugar management went off the rails. There was nothing to do but get through it. We FedExed Yoko’s green card, and she was able to book a flight. She returned one week after us just in time for Thanksgiving.

As I darted here and there throughout December, I loved to experience the holiday spirit and atmosphere on decorated homes, shops, and streets. I was recuperating from jetlag while struggling to readapt to an intense routine. I noticed mild discomfort in my throat on top of general fatigue. Yoko had asked me not to get sick, yet it was happening again. Kai also got sick and missed nearly a week of school. With Kai and me both under the weather, it gave me pause to reflect that what mattered most was simply living in a healthy and harmonious flow. Despite obstacles and rough patches, Yoko and I hosted a warm and wonderful end-of-year SGI Buddhist discussion meeting and potluck at our place for our local district South Bay.

My 38^th birthday weekend was enjoyable. I had reconnected with Jack Lanza and we spent an evening hanging out around Central Park. The next night we had a pleasant and diverse gathering of friends at home. There were more family and friends over for Christmas Eve and Day. It was an awesome and tiring end to an awesome and tiring year. 

On the music front, I had dug up some old unreleased demo recordings which I decided to polish up and release as an album entitled B-Sides…Why Not? [JayFive Demo Sessions 2001][20]. Even if I had not made a true career as a musical artist, I could continue to publicly release my music at least giving it a chance to be discovered and enjoyed by people throughout the world. I also released two lyric videos for songs on my 2017 album, Fun Winter Songs[21].

Throughout December I reflected on the year gone by and at night I was dreaming and processing a lot. In 2018, finding balance had been a constant juggling act. Yet altogether, it had been a challenging, fruitful, and meaningful year.